A post concerning Violinist...

Every so often, you meet a person that is bad for you.

Point blank.

A person that is like the dark abyss that devours you in every sense, an addiction you can't seem to kick and goes nowhere. Violinist is one of these people. Even when I don't think about him he pops up every few nights haunting me dreams. Dreams that are a facsimile of reality but with the endings changed, as if I were looking in to another dimension where our meetings progressed in a different manner. And this has been happening for some 8 years now, with not one date, let alone one casual meeting just to chat.

Violinist is one of those people that is a darker shade of black. He's an inky representation of limitless depth that you can and want to find yourself drowned in. In a way it's dancing with the Devil, no good comes of it, only hurt feelings ensue and yet you find yourself wanting a little bit more, because maybe *just maybe* next time, next time, it will all work out (it doesn't).

Really considering his person and the people he associates with (I won't call them buffoons, malignant chauvinists perhaps) I understand a strong sense of underlying inferiority complex which I've never quite understood. He has a talent envied by many yet he is not satisfied with any of the attention he gets for it, because it never seems quite enough, whether it's praise from the wrong sort of people or just nearly as many as he would hope for (we're talking hundreds here).

So for these reasons I thought it interesting to pick up the Rider-Waite Tarot Deck and see what other aspects of his personality I can discover.

For this reading I'll be trying out The Celtic Cross, the cards fell into the following positions:

The Significator - Knight of Cups

The Knight of Cups represents a sort of decadent grace, a valiant knight on top of his mighty stead with a cup of something lazily grasped in his hand. He's nonchalant and enjoying himself "on the job" as it were. The Significator states that this his current state of being and I would say this isn't far from the truth seeing as most likely he has never lived away from home and would not bother getting down from his horse to help himself to a cup of wine as everyone that surround him jump at the opportunity to serve his whims. There's a preoccupation with fantasy perhaps that he believes things come to him so easily that it all goes to his head.

The Crossing Card -  Page of Cups

The Page of Cups is a card that I hold somewhat close to heart. Let me explain, I am a Pisces and one that rarely drinks, I like to think myself the fish in people's cups telling them not to drink, usually when they least expect it. This card can denote surprises and nagging, when I fish pops its head out of a cup it's quite out of the ordinary wouldn't you think? Is it suggesting that the drink you thirst for is tainted or perhaps that you've had enough and you should drink responsibly? Seeing as this is a card that crosses him in his current state, I'd say that things I might have said in the past (telling him to not be so smug) are currently resonating inside his skull in a nagging fishy echo of "you know I'm right".

The Foundation - Ten of Swords (inverted)

Hmm. Ten of Swords inverted leans towards a suggestion of rising from the ashes like a reborn phoenix. A person has been defeated in the past but is ready to defeat evil and conquer challenges. This position suggests that this is the origin of my question, and my question was more set on understanding why he is the way he is than what I read as a hopeful outlook on the future. Here I am, I have been defeated but now I rise from dead to do battle!

The Recent Past - The Empress (inverted)

Ah! The Empress is all topsy turvy. A lady has a tumble as she has been thrown from her secure seating. Her bounty of plentiful food that grows at her feet is up in the air, twisting and turning in the breeze. The fish in his cup did warn of this, alas he did not lesson. The mind of the Alpha male is not easily swayed even when pandering to the logic in his mind. Here struts a peacock into a feast, spreads his feathers and knocks the dishes from the table much to the annoyance of the other guests and particularly the hosts.

The Crown - Eight of Pentacles

The Crown denotes both issues that are significant in the present and may come to pass in the near future. Can you see the artisan skillfully chipping away at the pentacles making sure each is as perfect as the last? Here is an understanding that you make your own way in the world by how much effort you put into your work. A good skill to have is being able to master your worldly affairs with a certain air of effortless grace yet I feel that he's really having to go out of his way to make this happen, it would seem he's having to do a lot of pretending to suck up and present himself as something he doesn't particularly want to be, or in other words, his nose is being forced to the grindstone.

The Future - Two of Pentacles

The Two of Pentacles pretty clearly symbolises juggling, lots and lots of juggling. He wants this but he wants that, and as soon as one thing falls the other rises, and vice versa. Change is constant, new ventures are hard to get underway, there's a lot of hard work involved with very little reliability. After a while I can see this getting very exhausting and would not be surprised if he throws the items down and goes after something else altogether, with gravity constantly pulling his options down and the two pentacles being looped by an infinity symbol, it seems this situation will be a permanent one.

Emotions - Knight of Pentacles

There's a strong feeling of responsibility coming through in this card. I feel a "I've made my bed, now I must lie in it" aura on this, and indeed, his career choice was made at a very young age and it seems like he is determined to follow it at any cost, no matter if it really has a chance of taking off or not. A noble pursuit that may end up resembling the labours of Sisyphus. I have a feeling that this may eventually come down on his head in a bad way, feeling trapped with no way out.

External Forces - Four of Swords

External Forces tends to represent trends in relationships with other people that have influence on your life and the Four of Swords leans toward suggesting a regeneration of energies, a sort of meditative state that will allow for reflection and ultimately making the right choices that cause good change to follow. I do wonder if this suggests that there will be a breakthrough sometime soon, but I won't get too hopeful, people rarely change and when they do it's not usually for the better.

Hopes and Desires - The Chariot (inverted)

The Chariot inverted in this position strongly suggests that his hopes and desires are making  him out of control. He's raced the Chariot so fast and furiously that a wheel hit a rock and sent him flying straight out of it. The decadence is may be making his health fail and he's feeling a strong need for the change. Whatever tumble this might have been seems to suggest a very sudden and sharp wake-up call.

The Outcome - The Fool

The way things are running currently suggests that after the wake-up call he will regain a fresh understanding of how to achieve great things by maintaining a feeling of ease, innocence and naivety. He returns to the self and considers his dreams and ideals with being care-free about the world he finds himself in. This is a very good place to be, I find quite a few of my friends have this card occurring in their readings, I imagine it's because similar personalities tend to gravitate to each other.

So summarizing, I realisation has happened or is just about to happen. Reassesment of values and beliefs are going to come into play. At the moment I feel that he is still at odds with the world trying to control its outcomes but eventually he'll reach a point where he'll learn to let go.