The fixer


I had the strangest dream last night, I remember glimpses of stretching to ballet and being able to do every stretch, sideways split and forward split perfectly which I really struggle with in real life.

The next thing I remember I was in a mall with my Mother, it was a wide open space not unlike a London train station, when a familiar face walks up to me and puts his arm round my waist and is trying to lead me off to take a walk with him and catch up. I'm hesitant and saying he doesn't know me well enough to be grabbing me like that and he's being very presumptuous, the truth is in real life I would far from mind this flirtyness although I would be playing it cool.

We're walking about and then I realise he is actually working as we are, he is fixing pipes in the bathroom and I'm realising that his persona of being hugely successful as an artist is far from the truth, he's just a handyman (a fixer?) that is trying to keep a float of financial difficulties and I begin to feel sorry for him, he's putting on a brave face to what ultimately would be a lifetime let down.

Things get a little blurry what happened to the end of the dream, I remember the flirtyness escalated more so, we're friends, we're *close* friends, "I understand you", he's playing up to be infatuated at my grace and dancing skills which is quite flattering considering this is something I am working very hard on, he's strongly suggesting we should be lovers and is being extraordinarily frisky, I'm playing it very cool.

I don't remember anything after that.

One thing I find strange is that at the beginning of the dream I recall wearing a flowery pastel green skirt (a Liz Lisa number which I in fact ordered online the night before) and white high collar polka dot top with long sleeves (which I do indeed own), but after he turned up I could have sworn I was wearing a long dancers chiffon dress in black, the sort that accentuate ballet movements and move as if they had a mind of their own.

When I think about this, this shows a strong duality of personality, it's like suggesting person (A) sees you like this, person (B) sees you like that. Where as I love the green skirt and white top combo it's restricting, I teeter around in it, I find more enjoyment in the black dancers dress because I can really move in it, I can dance in it, even when I'm just walking it makes me feel glamorous, mysterious and somewhat reckless. This sort of emphasises who brings what aspect out of my personality, and most importantly who I am more comfortable with.

When he grabs me round the waist, it's like a strong order to actually be who I would like to be, regardless of social decorum. I'm doing what I'd rather be doing instead of what I should be doing, breaking the role that has been set for me by others. This very much ties in with the stretching at the beginning, I am in fact stretching myself beyond my means, stretching myself too thin over the expectations of others.

The mall is also very distinctive in symbolism when it comes to choices, decisions, options, that you can put in or take out of your life, being led away round the mall is about opening horizons, look around, there are so many things to choose from, there are so many things to be doing, don't just stand there, look around! The ultimate pun in this action is I am led away by the "waist", that suggests I am in fact wasting away something in my life.

The fixing of pipes, the bathroom, the concept of plumbing and plumber all point towards the issues of lack of vision and options, that there's an emotional issue that is clogged up inside me that are causing emotions to be pent up and that perhaps it's time to reach out to someone to deal with these problems effectively.

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